This is Your Terrier on Drugs

You know how sometimes you’re dog-sitting your sponsor’s Yorkie, and you give him (the Yorkie, not your sponsor) his anti-anxiety medication, and he calms down pretty quickly, but a little later you’re like, “Wow, he’s… really calm,” and then your sponsor calls and is like, “You gave him how much?! Shit, don’t let him wet himself,” so you immediately take him out, but you have to carry him because he’s suddenly baffled by stairs, and then when you get outside he eventually pees but only after staring blankly at a tree for a full minute like it’s trying to explain calculus to him, so you pick him back up and think, “Well, at least there aren’t any witnesses,” and right on cue a girl walking her own dog goes, “You’re Thomas, right?” and so you try to make casual conversation like everything is normal, even though the Yorkie in your arms is drooling and clearly lost in a canine version of the Aboriginal Dreamtime?

Or is that just me?

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He doesn’t have a problem, man. You’re the problem.