A Couple of Catches

Douglas: “So I went on a date yesterday…”

Me: “I hate him.”

Douglas: “How can you already hate him?”

Me: “Sorry. You know I want you to be happy. It’s just that he’s obviously trying to manipulate you.”

Douglas: “Oh.”

Me: “But speaking of, I met a guy last weekend…”

Douglas: “I hope he dies in a fire.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Douglas: “Sorry. You know I trust your judgement. It’s just that he’s obviously addicted to crystal meth.”

Me: “Hey, want to hear all the vicious insults I wrote to use on that one friend of yours who’s always harmlessly flirting with you? My goal is to make him cry in public.”

Douglas: “In a minute. I’m working on a list of everyone who might possibly have romantic interest in you and assigning them ranks based on how difficult it will be to hide their bodies.”

Me: “Huh.”

Douglas: “Yeah.”

Me: “I don’t understand why we’re both still single.”

Douglas: “Me neither, dude. Me neither.”

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