Dear People at the Next Table,
I know you’re just trying to be silly and keep your four-year-old (Lizzie, is it?) entertained while you wait for your food. But asking little Lizzie if she wants a “Mommy sandwich” or a “Daddy sandwich” or an “Uncle Dan sandwich” is a bit much and could be misconstrued if heard out of context, you horrible, horrible monsters.
Just keep it clean and legal, okay? Some of us are trying to eat here.