Miley Cyrus Bought a Bit of Battered Bieber

Me: “People need to leave Miley Cyrus out of Justin Bieber’s mess.”

Douglas: “Whatever. They’re both train wrecks.”

Me: “MILEY IS NOT A TRAIN WRECK. SHE IS A WRECKING BALL.”

Douglas: “Alrighty then. But you do have to admit do look alike.”

Me: “No, in fact they do not. See, one of them is a spoiled, untalented little girl, and the other is Miley Cyrus.”

Douglas refused to agree, but I totally earned a rimshot on that one.

I’m Also Fluent in Pet Waste Ordinances

Boss: “Hey, I need you to put together some information on this new community, but see if you can make sense of the deed restrictions first.”

Me: “Okay.”

[Three hours later]

Boss: “I’m not sure this part of your document is accurate.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure it is.”

Boss: “Pretty sure?”

Me: “Yes. Because the Declarant functions as the Architectural Control Committee until such time as governing authority of the Homeowners Association is turned over to an elected Board of Administrators, who will then act as the ACC.”

Boss: “Wow. You… really read the deed restrictions.”

I’m adding “Follows Directions” and “Conversational Property Law” to my LinkedIn skills as we speak.